Random Nostalgic Thoughts

As I was cleaning my room the other day I ran across some old letters from freinds that I have not seen in a while. It seems that the older I get the more important memories become. I find it hard to remember who I was a few years ago without something or someone reminding me. I find it hard to remember how ignorant of the world I was. I find it hard to remember how ignorant of the world I am now. For some reason as life moves on we forget who we were in the process of becoming who we are. I think this can be a dangerous thing since who we were directly affects and has shaped who we are.

About a year ago I did some work in an alzheimer's unit in a retirement center. When I first walked in I felt completely useless. They couldn't hold a conversation or even remember a few easy facts about me and couldnt evenremember how to go to the bathroom. Every week I would go, the same conversation would start over again with a few imagined facts thrown in by the patients, such as me being married to someone they know or something. I wondered if it did any good to really go there and talk to people who would have no memory of it after I left. I wondered if it was really helping them for me to explain who I am, where I am from and how old I am every week. I don't have a nice ending from that place, I still wonder if I did anything at all there that was helpful but I did learn the significance of memories there. Without them we tend to be lost as humans.

I also used to really be down on History in school. Maybe because I had one of the worst teachers of my whole schooling but I think it was because of the whole theory on why they told us history was important. "If you dont learn history it will repeat itself." I used to always think, "well it doesnt seem to be working...wars, rape, genoicide, homicide, child molestation are all still happening even with history being taught in schools". So I used to just see history as a pointless subject with some interesting stories. I have come to realize now, however, that we are doomed to fail as humans not because of lack of history but because thats who we are failures. History is not about not failing but about finding out who we are. There was always this 'us and them' distinction when talking about people of the past. It made the whole learning process disconnected to me. As I look at history now we are all the same people. I find that humans are all failures and conquerors, we all have faith and doubts, we all want truth and knowledge and all us search for meaning.