A Divine Moment

As is the case most Sundays (especially since it is my job), I was in church this morning. On my way to church I was listening to NPR since I wasn't in the mood for music. Most of the ride was spent listening to updates on the aftermath of Katrina. I sat and drove in sadness to church. It was a perfect day outside, but it just seemed to mock the feeling in the air. I'm not sure why this tragedy affected me more than others but this one really hit home for me. As I listened to NPR they spoke of something that made my whole self sink into my chair hoping I could disappear or find out this was a dream.

They spoke on the topic of race and the hurricane. I was absolutely blown away. I thought very quickly a few days ago as I watched some TV coverage that everyone seemed to be black which struck me as odd, but since I'm white and ignorant I just moved on in my thoughts. However, as the woman on NPR talked I realized what I was seeing... A response to people in need based on thier economical status. These urban folk (not all black but generalizing) didnt have cars or a place to go. And go to the shelter you say? Ok, sure you go where you'll get raped if you go to the bathroom, I dare you. But they are animals you say...they are looting and shooting, its not the governments fault? Bullshit, its a hurricane! its something we knew in advance for a week in an area we all knew was the most susceptible place in America. We just forgot that a Cat 4 might not do too much damage? I can't imagine if it had sustained at Cat 5 when it hit. Who gives a shit about poor black people down south, they're backwards anyways...they don't count as a full human being. Give me a break. I'm not saying the purposefully decided to try to kill all these people, I just believe they didn't even think about them much at all when deciding how to respond two days before the hurricane actually hit.

So I get to church fired up with deep sorrow, anger and shame. Luckily everyone was smiling (I forgot... we were at church). The cynicism was creeping in hardcore...I was ready to blast these people in my head. How can we meet to worship God and not talk about this event, not ask questions and not cry?

To my much needed suprise, God prepared a place for me. Our organist was away on vacation leaving a fill-in piano player only. If you ever go to a traditional church, you know how majestic an organ can sound compared to a piano on hymns. However, when we began to sing hymns beautifully picked out and liturgy selected to meditate on the tragedy I found myself near tears on every line. The piano sounded dead trying to play the usually majestic hymns. It reminded me of a soilder barely hanging on to life taking long desperate breaths after being critically wounded in battle, much like my faith that morning. I can't say I have ever appreciated liturgy more than that Sunday. I don't think I could ever have been able to come up with my own words during this time. Sometimes I think it takes the persepective of history to be able to speak on tragedy.
Not only that but my favorite part of Church was occuring that Sunday...holy communion. Never did communion seem to fit so perfectly. Never was I more in need of a rescue then that Sunday morning. As I took the bread and dipped it into the juice, I couldn't help but think of the irony involved with the whole situation....how I believe that I was rescued through a tragedy while grieving over a tragedy. I cried some as I sat down, prayed and thought about everything as the fill-in piano player suprised me again and played a harp during communion that sounded like tears falling from heaven.

Just remember that "the rain falls on the righteous and the wrong". That means both the "good" and "bad" people's crops are prospering from it and being destroyed by it. Don't let anyone tell you there was something especially horrible or evil about Louisiana that God was punishing.