The Real World

So I've been waiting around for my brother to have twins. It is a very odd feeling. I have moments of excitement, fear, anxiety and everything in between. Part of me still doesnt believe it is actually going to happen...Im not old enough to have a brother who is having twins. They should be popping out any day now. Everytime my phone rings I think its going to be my brother and when he calls I always assume its with news on the babies. Most of all everytime the phone rings I think that this shouldnt be me in this situation.

Im only 22 years old (well about to be 23), why does it feel like I'm so old. I am about to graduate college! I still remember when college seemed like some distant land in a fairy tale. I assume everyone goes through this stage of uncertainty when they are coming to the end of anything familar and moving into new territory. I still don't plan on entering what people like to call "the real world" since seminary seems to be my next fairy tale land.

I really am scared to enter into this supposed 'real world'. I have seen many people die in that world. Yeah, they still walk and talk but they arent the same living person they were when they entered into that dark world. I see them smile less, laugh a little bit differently, dress tighter and even talk about finances and marriage often. I dont know what it is about this 'real world', since I have never been there, that changes you but I am content in not thinking of finances or dressing any differently yet. I often wonder if I am alone in my convictions. It seems like most people want to get to the 'real world'. I am in no rush, I am actually rebelling and trying not to enter in ever but I doubt I will be successfull.

I've met a few people who have resisted successfully. They enter the 'real world' but are not killed by it. I know of one such man who seems to only visit the 'real world' from 9-5pm Monday through Friday. He seems different he is old but he seemed to still be alive. His mind still seems to wonder, he seems open to change, he still seems able to laugh and doesnt seem to be beaten down by the hours spent in that dreaded 'real world'. Maybe one day I will ask him his secret. How can I live in the 'real world' but never actually be killed by it? How can I avoid the soul snatching that goes on there? Is there some trick?

Well for now, I will continue my rebellion against this place called 'real world' in hopes that I might stay alive. I am contemplating re-naming myself NEO for the sake of being dramatic.